Why I’m Not Writing

I want to write to you. I do, I do. And I will. Not right now. Here are some of my reasons excuses:

  1. I just got back from YALLFest in Charleston and it was freaking awesome (this is also a reason I want to write to you)
  2. Where in addition to meeting some much-loved authors and having some much-wonderful things happen I also spent one night crying for two hours because of new developments related to #4
  3. Before that, I spent a day frantically trying to complete all of the things I hadn’t been doing for two weeks because
  4. Before that I spent a week in California where my grandma is very ill and was going into hospice care, where she still is and I’m really really really really super sad about it and probably going back soon
  5. And while doing that I was also delivering on a client project
  6. And before that I was, well, before that I was writing to you about faith and fiction even though I was super busy then too and now I’m just as busy as I was then PLUS all the things ALL THE THINGS I didn’t do the past two weeks while my world was simultaneously delightfully wonderful and falling apart because losing Grandma is gonna be/is hard hard hard.

So that’s that. I’ll write sometime when making the money that pays the bills depends less on my ability to finish the next twenty things on my list.

OH, just so you know. I AM working on my book. Got a fire lit under me for that. Will talk more when I have more time…

4 thoughts on “Why I’m Not Writing

  1. I understand where you are. I haven’t been traveling but other than that I have some parallels. My grandmother went downhill very quickly this year, but it’s not as much her physical self as her mental health. Just six months ago she was a little spacey but you could talk to her. Now she has to be prompted to know if it’s her son (my dad) talking to her. It’s so weird that we’re losing her. It’s just such a weird stark confusing head space to be in, knowing it doesn’t go backwards from here.

    • I’m sorry to hear about your grandma, Julie. Mental decline can be just as painful as physical. My grandma mostly recognizes us, but she forgets things from moment to moment and has to be reminded.

      Thanks for your comment and thoughts. I’m working on a weekend recap but it’s taking me a while. Too many thoughts & emotions.

  2. It seems like you keep having confusing emotional extremes. I remember you talking about mourning the death of an animal here but celebrating the death of an animal over there…

    I’m glad you had a good time at the conference. The first conference I went to, it was absolutely terrible and the biggest letdown and I think I stopped writing for 3 months. (Me and YA do not mix.)

    • YES on the confusing emotional extremes. Enough, already, God. It was so weird and awful lying in bed in the hotel and bawling my eyes out with my friend over my grandma and knowing the plan was to have a good time the next day. And then actually having a good time.

      It turned out Grandma was somewhat better the next day, thank goodness–we really thought she might go on and leave us on Saturday and I really really really didn’t want that crazy mixed-upped-ness going on. Right before 10, I turned my phone on airplane mode simply because I couldn’t bear the thought of getting “the call” about my grandma while at coffee with Lev, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to not check the phone if it rang, knowing what it could be.

      Anyway. Enough already. It’s getting boring. I mean, to my friends. To me it’s just awful and exhausting.

      A little unadulterated awesomesauce news would be, you know, awesomesauce.

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