One Thing I’m Not Good At

I’m good at a few things. I’m a pretty good writer. I was always top of class in literature. I like plays, and poems, and novels, and short stories. I’m good at understanding all those things. I’m good at singing and thinking and … parenting? (Jury’s out on the last one.)

I am NOT good at many things too.

One thing I am not good at is math. And by “math” I mean “counting.” And by “counting” I mean knowing how many days I’ve been blogging for. And by that I mean yesterday was not Day 30, today is. Premature celebration.

Fortunately, I never made any promises about these entries being any good, so instead of trying to write something good today when I thought I wouldn’t have to write at all, I’m just going to tell you about my day and then we’re all going to say, “Whew, 30 blog entries. For real this time. Done done done done done.” And then we’re going to go have a beer.

It was, all in all, a mixed bag day. We tried to get rid of the rest of the stuff from our old house and pretty much completely failed to do so. It turns out that when you post details about really nice stuff that you are offering for a very low price, and all people have to do is show up between the hours of 10am and noon, this is what happens:

  • Some of them text you at 8:15am to find out if you still have the items you said would not be available before 10am and when you tell them yes but that the items will not be available until 10am, they say “Oh, whoops, we’re already on the road, smiley face” and you say, “That stinks. Get some breakfast. Smiley face.”
  • Some of them text you at 1pm to find out if they can come look at the items now that it’s only one hour past when you said you would no longer be available, and then they will come (because you are still there and the thing did not sell so you may as well) and look at your item and tell you everything that is wrong with it and ask if they can maybe give you half of what you were asking even though it’s already 10% of what the item cost new, and then they will stand around for 45 minutes waiting for you to agree to a price that you have already told them in no uncertain terms is not an acceptable price.
  • Some of them will not show up at all during the stated hours. Wait, no, ALL of them will not show up during the stated hours. As in, you will sit there for two hours and NOBODY will come. During the stated hours. Only before and after.
  • Some of them will show up twenty minutes early and text you from the road in front of your house and you will text them back that you will open the door at 10am and when, at precisely 10am, you turn the sign around that says, “We will open at 10am” so that it says, “Come on in,” they will text you with the message: “You said 10 clock whats up” [sic].
  • These same people ^ will tell you that they will come back for the item in one hour and that they won’t bother putting their money down because “ain’t nobody buyin that” har har and then not come back and you will decide that they are planning to come back and steal it. And they probably are. So you take it apart yourself and remove it from the property so that you can later donate it to a dog rescue, which adds another hour to your day.

You will finally arrive back home at around 2:45pm and remember that you have a friend coming over and it’s purely by luck they haven’t arrived already*.

And you will realize that THIS is why you nearly always donate good usable items instead of trying to sell them. Because you hate people. Because you love everyone and want others to benefit from your unwanted items. But really because you hate people.

Who needs a nice fridge?

Who needs a nice fridge?

* And that will be the “mixed bag” part of the day which is to say, you’ll get to watch this friend fall apart with laughter at the autistic reporter. And that will be the best part of the day because you hate people but not all of them.